


Ultimate Ultimania

by purglepurglepurgle



Category: Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Gen, Humour, Parody, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:40:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23899873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purglepurglepurgle/pseuds/purglepurglepurgle
Summary: The Ultimate FF7 Trivia Guide. First up: The Department of Administrative Research.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 9





	Ultimate Ultimania

**Author's Note:**

> I gather Square has added yet more to the Ultimania Guides. As someone who has had extensive practice disregarding everything Square's added to FF7 since the 90s, I propose this alternative.

**The Department Of Administrative Research  
**

Tseng joined General Affairs after discovering they got better coffee, and since then he has done a variety of murders. His first name is 'Timothy'.

Reno joined General Affairs because it was that or the circus. His surname is 'Eclair'.

Rude joined General Affairs by accident. He is 203 years young.

Elena joined General Affairs because she'd already killed six hundred men, and she couldn't wait to kill six hundred more. She had acquired a taste for blood. She has webbed feet.

Bugenhagen also joined General Affairs but nobody noticed because he is so sneaky.

**Author's Note:**

> I was gonna write a longer fic but then it got late, so instead you get these scribbles I found in the notes app on my phone. I may add chapters to this as I 'discover' new obscure trivia. I have a couple of more substantial things in the works.
> 
> Bugenhagen improves every fic.


End file.
